The Kitten Murder Chronicles: Resolution

So I called Jane, the "crazy old lady next door" who thought that I murdered her kittens and was sure to put on my sweetest, non-violent voice when she answered. I could tell at first that she was not buying my faux-nice routine and well, if we're being honest, I was laying it on a little thick with tales of my childhood cats Genevieve and Grumbuskin, the latter named after the mischievous alley cat in "Growltiger's Last Stand" in the musical Cats. At a certain point, I think she was like WHOA, ok, you didn't kill them. Or maybe you did and you just went to elaborate lengths to overcompensate and are a diabolical psycho. Just kidding, she didn't think that because guess what? The ma ma [sic] cat and all her little kittens, even the one with the black muzzle or whatever, came back! Seems feral cats aren't all that reliable. Really??? Who knew? I mean, come on Jane, before you're going to go pointing fingers at nice people who do genuinely like cats, maybe you should take a beat.

She wasn't kidding about the "crazy" part and went off on an odd and disturbingly detailed history about Egyptian times when cats were considered sacred versus the bad rap they got in the 16th century when they became associated with the devil and witchcraft and we've all studied just enough history to know that wasn't a good group to be lumped in with. I chimed in with a few animated "oh yes, you're so right!" and "yes, yes, Cleopatra liked them" and "oh yes, the evil cat of Nostradamus" and "Salem was rough back then" to make her feel good until it became clear that I am not just a good, friendly neighbor but I am also a supportive, sensitive, cat-loving, history buff of a neighbor. (Which btw, is not true at all, I am a history moron.)

You know, come to think of it, this is actually the first real neighbor I have ever had as an adult. Sure, I've had plenty of neighbors in apartment buildings in NYC but that doesn't really count. If they annoy you, you just bang on the wall or slip an "anonymous" note under their door. This is my first real neighbor at a long term property that we intend to actually call a home some day and have to get along with. Possibly forever. I just got the Grown Up Chills. Ick