White Knight and Black Dog

As Tim and I were sitting in Central Park with the dog the other night, watching the sun set, we had a good laugh as we reminisced about what shall heretofore be known as The Seagull Incident. He was making fun of the fact that I had girly personal items in the bag to top everything off and I was laughing about how angry I was. Then he reminded me of White Knight again and how he was born in that very moment. Now this is not the first time that he has reminded me of White Knight, in fact, Tim has actually been referring to himself in the third person as White Knight ever since The Seagull Incident. Whenever there is an opportunity to "save" me, no matter how small, he will talk about White Knight in all his valor and how his sole purpose for existence is to protect me. The best part is that he likes to recap every instance of White Knight in a Who's On First or Ghostbusters (depending on your preferred era of stupid humor) repartee as in "Who was there with cash the other day when you forgot your debit card? White Knight" or "Who was there to pick you up after work last night?  White Knight." He has gotten so carried away with being this imagined Arthurian superhero of sorts, that he is going out of his way to do nice things for me just so he can pat himself on the back. Like the pickup I just mentioned. In the 10 years I have known Tim, he has NEVER picked me up unless I was literally within a 100 foot radius of his car. He justifies this by saying that a car in the city is not like a car in the suburbs where you can just pick someone up from their house and it's not the biggest deal in the world. I buy that to a certain extent but it has definitely caused a few fights here and there like when I'm 150-200 ft outside of range. Cut to last night. He actually volunteered to pick me up after work, even though he was literally no where near my office. Granted I had to walk a few blocks but it wasn't that far and he really did come through, on time even. Now I'm no dummy so as much as I'd like to believe that he did it out of the goodness of his heart and that he is a changed man, the reality is that he did it solely so that he could say "Who was there to pick you up after work last night? White Knight".
Back to Central Park last night. As White Knight sat and reflected upon how gallant he is and held me in his arms like a prince, the dog came and interrupted our moment by licking my face as we were about to kiss. So gross. He then made a reference to Sniffer and Groper being back and I asked where Groper fits into this whole new identity. He was like, duh, we're White Knight and Black Dog. I was like okay, but what happened to Sniffer and Groper? Another DUH back at me. White Knight and Black Dog are Sniffer and Groper's altar egos, hello. He then went on to explain something about sniffing and groping that included the term "meat pie" somewhere in it that I don't care to recount. The bottom line is that my husband and dog have not only one, but two different and bizarre identities and that my husband is crazy.

WHITE KNIGHT. BLACK DOG. A BUOY.